Friday, February 8, 2013
Self Injurious behavior, "Self Is Bad", I call it. I know I'm not supposed to do it. Sometimes the mind and body are a disconnect.It is not something you do to hurt yourself. Sometimes it does not hurt at all in the physical sense. Others, it is a conflicting pain you seek to override something else. Sometimes it is a pressure valve release. I smack my ear when overwhelmed with frustration. Mom says I am her body and I must not hurt it. Sometimes thinking of myself as belonging to her helps me to approach my body with greater respect. I know that may not make a lot of sense, but it is true. I take me for granted and I get frustrated and blame my body as if it is not even me sometimes. You can't understand the disconnect between mind and body unless you live it. My life is a process of self internal communication, like two people talking and not always agreeing on what to do and how to do it. Only siamese twins have a harder time of it. To you it is unthinkable. To hurt your body is to hurt your mind. For me, it is like sibling wars. Sometimes the body beats the mind and the mind fights back. Keeping peace is the goal. Learning to recognize the interconnection of one as hurting the other is a process, one I am still working on. Forcing the two to work together on mutual frustration is one thing that seems to help. I think to breath. I am doing it now.