Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Finger isolation is difficult for me. A pointer is necessary to type. But other means exist that are sometimes more helpful. I use chips sometime to mark my letters. In school I used post-its cut up into sticky tabs to mark answers. Sometimes to hold something or move to get something makes all the difference in tricking one's motor system to respond. Limiting sensory flow helps too. The new board I'm using requires less visual effort for me to find my keys. Energy saved can be put somewhere else, into thought or movement. Our systems work differently than yours. It is a constant attempt to focus amid distractions which are nonthought actions for you. I think to move all the time. You just "do it" unless in a tricky situation. For me, all movement equates to your tricky situation, all life is swimming against the current. To learn to swim is to learn to fight the current. Flotation devices are the things I talk about, like chips and highlight, the increased buoyancy and ease of movement they provide. Do you understand? Now I go swim - really. :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Facilitation is a gift not a skill, like musicality or athleticism or artistic ability. I facilitate with Mom because she is a motor movement initiation cue. To "do it" is what she screams to my senses. I facilitated with Mary Lapos as an open room. She offered up all that she was for my use. I facilitated with Linda as a helpmate. Each of their motivations differed , but they share a motor ability to move me and drive me to see myself as an answer. I see my response and they make way for a typing of it. To use them is what I do. But they also drive my action to initiate. I start and flow as a single movement. It carries me along. I feel the start, then my body can take it from there. Not everyone can facilitate, just like not everyone can sing. Think of it as a melody composed as duet. Each has their role and the two work together. It is a partnership and you have to forget your oneness over another. Most are leaders or followers. FC is for team players mostly absent a special relationship. I have FC causal. Mom is a "do it" cue. Mary was a team player and Linda was a necessary to school work answering. Only all my facilitators held high hopes for me as a person. Not all have a respectful approach. Not all have the inner tuning to do it. Not all trust the communicator to want to communicate. There are many reasons for facilitation to fail. Some are even our own : to not want to share, to not know how to think in communicative language as a question or an answer or as a thought concrete. Moving from sight thought to words is a learning process. Moving from emotion to thought ties is a real difficult transition too. So much of communication is based on sharing an emotional experience. To not have the tie of emotion to your experiences limits the wish to communicate. You don't see the way we see. It is like having a conversation with a foreigner, commonality is lost in the language barrier - or motor barrier. For all the obstacles it is a miracle that facilitation works at all sometimes. Sometimes there is no miracle.
Today I started using a new board - Black on white, with the middle keys highlighted in yellow. It is a wonderful help. My eyes have difficulty tracking a line. Mom used to highlight my reading material to separate the lines for me. Every other line she would highlight. To facilitate, I use the facilitator's eyes. A bump is up, a tug is down; then I just go across and pick the letter I want. Typing independently is different. Only my eyes can I count on then. This board helps my eyes stay a course. It is a wonderful simple aid that both eases and speeds the process. If I can see better, I can type easier. I owe Todd a big thank you. I am sometimes surprised at what comes out of communication, even arguments. Mom learned something from something she did not want to think was true. Honesty is always best. When asked, I told her I do use her eyes as facilitator. To see the need is always to find a solution with her. Now my work at typing is easier. I wish I could say I thought to tell her of the need. I did not. Sometimes autists do better to think in answers then in questions. James Todd is the one who sparked the conversation that revealed it. He is a skeptic but a responsive one. I might have enjoyed working with him if he would have given me a chance at personhood. But I am a ghost to him so it is not possible. Acknowledgment of body and soul and mind should not be too much to ask. No hard feelings, just regrets. I will keep working on my typing.