Today I have something to say. " It Takes Courage." That is the whole of it; courage for those less obviously autistic to speak out and acknowledge their autism. They could just as easily abandon the label, exchange it for one of "eccentricity", but they do not. In being true to themself, they now face criticism for advocating for their rights, as if speaking out is a sin against me a lower spectrum autist. Well I want to say Thank You. I applaud your efforts in standing up, not just for yourself, but for me.
Asking questions I am very good at. Mom and I take turns sometimes. I do a lot of thinking in my autism. For me, I just want to know what it is like on the other side of physical. It looks so easy in observing what is a huge process for me. Understanding sometimes helps. For me, movement is surgery. I have to systematically prepare for everything not reflex. It is why I love and hate impulse. Impulse is a shortcut to action, a nonthought way of doing that gets something; urges that are strong enough to bypass my need to think the movement through. My music is like that too. It takes the commands to another level - song; and sometimes the song replaces the command in triggering movement. I am much more fluid with music as a background. I love my radio as my most favorite possession after my string. Relaxing I can do with it. Do you know what that is to an Autist? - Everything.
Mom cut my board in half. She said she did it to help teach me two-handedness. It was horrible; two boards, not one, with no carryover for my eye movement, like playing two songs at once and not being able to follow one for listening to the other it was. It made it easy to use my other hand though, until I needed a letter on the other missing half of board. Do you move as a single motion? My movement is tiny steps put together. Hiccup my motion and you destroy it. I am a giant stop sign at times. I lose my place in the action and cannot even start again because I'm left in a different position from where I was at start. This is my motor initiating problem at play. The Board is another problem I have, not seeing parts within a whole. Mom should have known better, but it might work for someone else without my issue there. My issues are not another's, I know. Autism is so individual oriented, issues and solutions both. I often wonder at why they are so intent on recognizing us as a group experience. Autism is as diverse as neurotypicalism but no one calls NT a "spectrum". I wonder too if my being on spectrum takes away from others more able. I am who they aim to eradicate with a cure. But how would you know the difference between annihilating me and them. My life is of little use by society's standards, but a lesser version may yield you a scientific genius, math or music savant. The world might truly lose without these small gifteds. It is in the small extremes that radical work as gains are sometimes realized; to think or do the unthinkable, achieving the previously thought impossible. It takes at least the dedication of the obsession routinely practiced in autism to focus on what others find the absurd, to realize the unachievable goal. NTs make fun when self advocates compare themselves to the Einsteins of the world. I am surprised by this. I guess I am worth more than I think. I am at least in good company in the process of annihilation. Abortions of good NT's happen every day. The disabled have no complaints. We are not yet the automatically acceptable nonpersons NTs are at prebirth. We carry a higher conscience factor. As absurd as it sounds I think it is true. It says a lot about NTs. You might want to think about that.
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