Questions are running through my mind. Are we as autists truly brain damaged? Or, am I the beginnings of a new species of man, not unlike Cromagnum or Neanderthal. If 1 in 150 are being born with my autistic wiring, is it not a matter of evolution at work, whatever the underling causes or factors? Is autism a cancer on society or the next saving adaptation? As the world devolves, with ever increasing catastrophes, will autism have a place in it, or be one of the casualties of it? These are the thoughts that occupy my mind today.
I liken autism to an alien race, with benefits and disadvantages both. I see the deaf culture and think the disadvantage of it is in living in a speaking world. Like that it is a bit with autism. Will there come a time when environment will favor the autist? It is a selfish wish, but my tired brain hopes so.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Psych 101 and Then Some
I have started my Psychology class and I am so excited to think I will be able to learn more about how the brain and body interact. Perhaps there are accommodations I can try that I have not come across yet. To accommodate and adapt for my deficient systems, that is my goal. Today I learned how the antianxiety drug helps, its functioning neurologic. Keys and locks at synapsess is a a great visual of it. I love the book that way. It speaks in pictures, something an autist appreciates. When explaining something, a picture description moves the information straight to memory for me. It is an automatic filing that requires no further translation. Abstract words need an anchor to access them. How do you process love? Is it a sensation you feel that comes rushing back? Or a picture concrete of loved ones? My Mom says music sometimes pulls up memories. Like an old song can put her on the beach complete with the smell of suntan lotion and salt air. How about smell? Does smell retrieve any memories for you?
Autists' memories are tied to the senses in same way. Most autists are visual filers. But it may depend for some on what sense was most functional at the time. My earliest memories are all tied to scent. My most recent to picture movies. I create them in my mind with silent screen word captions as an easy cross reference.To hear a word is to see it. Conversations are reading exercises in my mind.
To act is another process. It requires transfering the written word to oral sound in my head or an outside oral sound at outset. I can't move to follow still picture instructions. Still Pictures do not translate to movement in my sensory system. To recall vs. perform are two very different functions for me. For me, moving pictures is key to movement. For another just pictures may be enough to move.
The point is this, to know the sensory filing preference of an autist is to be able to help them. Cuing is everything. It is the equivalent of speaking a common language. We as autists can not always learn to speak your language, but you can learn to speak ours.
Autists' memories are tied to the senses in same way. Most autists are visual filers. But it may depend for some on what sense was most functional at the time. My earliest memories are all tied to scent. My most recent to picture movies. I create them in my mind with silent screen word captions as an easy cross reference.To hear a word is to see it. Conversations are reading exercises in my mind.
To act is another process. It requires transfering the written word to oral sound in my head or an outside oral sound at outset. I can't move to follow still picture instructions. Still Pictures do not translate to movement in my sensory system. To recall vs. perform are two very different functions for me. For me, moving pictures is key to movement. For another just pictures may be enough to move.
The point is this, to know the sensory filing preference of an autist is to be able to help them. Cuing is everything. It is the equivalent of speaking a common language. We as autists can not always learn to speak your language, but you can learn to speak ours.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
My Name is Michael
I want to talk about my name today. My name is Michael. It means "who is like God". I doubt my parents knew this when they named me. For them it was a way to honor my great grandfather. But the name is of significance to me as reminder of my source as divine. Yours too.
How one views things affects God's response. Where love is at source, a love response is always given. This does not equate to a yes answer to one's prayer. It is only the kind of response, as supportive, that can always be counted on. I cry alone, or in the comfort of others. I rejoice alone, or in the company of others.I find internal strength I did not know I possessed. A stranger offers the correct response in the moment. These are all God's answer to loving prayer. It works best if offered as an altrusitic feat, not said for self, but out of love for another. Love is the fuel of prayer. It is the necessary ointment that anoints the connection. Without it, transmission is faulty. To pray out of love relates the prayer to our source. It is love as conduit. To pray for a stranger then would not work unless the prayer is offered for love of God. Then it is the highest form of prayer. Not for their purpose, but for God's will lived out in a loving manner. I am a prayer machine. I am a prayer answered. Praying for others loved and out of love of God is the first step to having your prayers answered. We are each God's answer to prayers for another. Listen to your heart and hear his call for answer. Miracles are within each of us.
How one views things affects God's response. Where love is at source, a love response is always given. This does not equate to a yes answer to one's prayer. It is only the kind of response, as supportive, that can always be counted on. I cry alone, or in the comfort of others. I rejoice alone, or in the company of others.I find internal strength I did not know I possessed. A stranger offers the correct response in the moment. These are all God's answer to loving prayer. It works best if offered as an altrusitic feat, not said for self, but out of love for another. Love is the fuel of prayer. It is the necessary ointment that anoints the connection. Without it, transmission is faulty. To pray out of love relates the prayer to our source. It is love as conduit. To pray for a stranger then would not work unless the prayer is offered for love of God. Then it is the highest form of prayer. Not for their purpose, but for God's will lived out in a loving manner. I am a prayer machine. I am a prayer answered. Praying for others loved and out of love of God is the first step to having your prayers answered. We are each God's answer to prayers for another. Listen to your heart and hear his call for answer. Miracles are within each of us.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year's Resolution
My goals for the new year seem a good way to start. Number one is don't eat inedible substances, a rule I already violated when I tasted the Christmas tree this morning. Have you ever thought something smelled so delicious that you just had to taste it? Well, that was me with the tree. And it failed to live up to expection, not to mention getting Mom and Dad miffed at me. Why do I, an intelligent being, do such things? Because instinct trumps thought process in order of application. Some times instinct can be a good thing. I know a bad person just by their touch. But for me, instinct turned impulse is a bad thing more of the time. To bolt across a parking lot because the restaurant sign speaks to my too empty stomach, to have smell direct action ill-advised, to have anxiety override your reason: these are the impulses that destroy my functioning as normal-looking and place me in dangerous situations. It blocks my development of selfmanagement skill and my independent functioning. It is a life of telling myself to stop and think, and think again. I am an idiot savant subject to uncontrollable impulses. I need to train myself to yield. It is my primary goal for this year.
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