Monday, October 15, 2012
My Personhood Survives
Thank you for comments reminding me that a blog is not an abyss. I once thought to make a difference with my voice, but it is not a matter of always the speaking, but sometimes the listening that is the true key to successful communication. It is disheartening to find and fight for a voice only to have it ignored or discounted as false by the very people you need to service you. I would have given up the effort if not for my mom's insistence that I try and try again to assert myself in independence. Sometimes what is in your best interest can be painful. Like surgery it is to dissect and accommodate all the hurdles of movement for me. Most recently I am learning to use two sides in opposition. The key is often not to think on it. Instead I picture the end result. I am learning to do what you do in mass. Questions I have for all of you. Do you just see it - the end act? You act so quickly the planned actions I must do. To move my body to a sculpted form I think it through now, the contortions, like moving a mannequin in my mind it is. Then I put the end equation in my locked memory. Lots and lots of movement entries there are. I learn them all. To watch someone do it is not to form it. I make them puppets in my mind, and then I make me a puppet. I am puppet and puppet master. I am not myself, but I am still the master of my movement. That is the most important thing - to not be dependent on other's movement to initiate my own. I am my own person. One way or other I will do it.